THREE PEES IN A POD
I have two small poodle-type dogs (yorkie-poos). Poodles are supposed to be water dogs. They're bred, I'm told, to fetch waterfowl and dead fish: hence the weird haircuts that make the sorry animals look like topiaries.
Their silly-looking, bulbous haircuts are intended to protect their vital parts from cold when working in-vitro. The shaved areas eliminate any unnecessary hair that, in water, would weigh the dog down and add drag.
My two poos are hydrophobic. They won't even allow their paws to touch the morning dew, let alone swim. Naturally, they won't go outside to pee if it's raining.
Thankfully my dogs won't wee in the house, either. By using the modified crate and gaffer's tape method early on, I was able to train my two male dogs to never, ever, relieve themselves inside the house.
It's been raining hard now for nearly 6 straight days, and my 12 and 14-pounders won't go out and urinate. I've even carried them out only to watch them bee-line it back to the house. I'm seriously starting to get worried about their health. I mean, it's been almost a week now and my 12 pounder is close to 16 lbs. And I don't recall my 14-pounder having yellow eyes.
To make matters worse, my neighbor has a new schnoodle puppy (a female schnauser/poodle mix), who purportedly drinks copious amounts of water and passes it in seconds -- and she asks me to take the dog for a day while she attends an event in the city.
As her parting advice, my neighbor informed me her dog would signal when she had to go: the puppy would circle around, sniff, and then I was to whisk her outside.
This was easy for me to remember. I, too, circle around before I go (especially if my fly is stuck), and though I don't sniff beforehand, relief usually comes at my fifth rotation. Four-and-a-half rotations, and I'm not yet free of my trousers -- and five-and-a-half rotations and I'm facing the sink. Either way I've got a problem. Five rotations, though, is good. But enough about me.
Being a schnoodle, would the dog go in the rain? I needed to know. I already had issues in that department. I was assured it would.
The moment my neighbor left, her puppy polished off the water bowl both my dogs drink from. I eyed the mongrel for any signs of rotation. She made a few wide turns, but there were no signs a storm was gathering. Certainly, an eye hadn't formed and there was no wanton sniffing unassociated with dog butts.
Then, suddenly, without warning, a quick squat and it was over. An impressive size puddle given the size of the puppy -- spread right out on my sorry kitchen floor.
The bitch! There was no leg lifting, nor any other such formalities.
And where were the circles? Where was the sniffing? Like the missing WMD in Iraq, my intel was completely wrong. Oh the humanity.
Sensing my anguish, my dogs came running over to the crime scene. This must have been an extraordinarily exciting development for them, because in an instant, they both lifted their legs and emptied their stored-up urine right on ground zero.
Lake Erie followed, with Niagara Falls cascading down the stairs from the kitchen to the Ontario sunroom. I ran for the gaffer's tape, but it was too late. The genie was out of the bottle.
I still circle before I go, except now my dogs follow me into the bathroom. It's stopped raining, at least, so things are looking brighter.
I have two small poodle-type dogs (yorkie-poos). Poodles are supposed to be water dogs. They're bred, I'm told, to fetch waterfowl and dead fish: hence the weird haircuts that make the sorry animals look like topiaries.
Their silly-looking, bulbous haircuts are intended to protect their vital parts from cold when working in-vitro. The shaved areas eliminate any unnecessary hair that, in water, would weigh the dog down and add drag.
My two poos are hydrophobic. They won't even allow their paws to touch the morning dew, let alone swim. Naturally, they won't go outside to pee if it's raining.
Thankfully my dogs won't wee in the house, either. By using the modified crate and gaffer's tape method early on, I was able to train my two male dogs to never, ever, relieve themselves inside the house.
It's been raining hard now for nearly 6 straight days, and my 12 and 14-pounders won't go out and urinate. I've even carried them out only to watch them bee-line it back to the house. I'm seriously starting to get worried about their health. I mean, it's been almost a week now and my 12 pounder is close to 16 lbs. And I don't recall my 14-pounder having yellow eyes.
To make matters worse, my neighbor has a new schnoodle puppy (a female schnauser/poodle mix), who purportedly drinks copious amounts of water and passes it in seconds -- and she asks me to take the dog for a day while she attends an event in the city.
As her parting advice, my neighbor informed me her dog would signal when she had to go: the puppy would circle around, sniff, and then I was to whisk her outside.
This was easy for me to remember. I, too, circle around before I go (especially if my fly is stuck), and though I don't sniff beforehand, relief usually comes at my fifth rotation. Four-and-a-half rotations, and I'm not yet free of my trousers -- and five-and-a-half rotations and I'm facing the sink. Either way I've got a problem. Five rotations, though, is good. But enough about me.
Being a schnoodle, would the dog go in the rain? I needed to know. I already had issues in that department. I was assured it would.
The moment my neighbor left, her puppy polished off the water bowl both my dogs drink from. I eyed the mongrel for any signs of rotation. She made a few wide turns, but there were no signs a storm was gathering. Certainly, an eye hadn't formed and there was no wanton sniffing unassociated with dog butts.
Then, suddenly, without warning, a quick squat and it was over. An impressive size puddle given the size of the puppy -- spread right out on my sorry kitchen floor.
The bitch! There was no leg lifting, nor any other such formalities.
And where were the circles? Where was the sniffing? Like the missing WMD in Iraq, my intel was completely wrong. Oh the humanity.
Sensing my anguish, my dogs came running over to the crime scene. This must have been an extraordinarily exciting development for them, because in an instant, they both lifted their legs and emptied their stored-up urine right on ground zero.
Lake Erie followed, with Niagara Falls cascading down the stairs from the kitchen to the Ontario sunroom. I ran for the gaffer's tape, but it was too late. The genie was out of the bottle.
I still circle before I go, except now my dogs follow me into the bathroom. It's stopped raining, at least, so things are looking brighter.
posted by R. Reynolds at 9:27 AM
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