SCOOPER POOPERS
It is getting truly embarrassing how often PNL, with its limited full-time staff (one --not counting its brain-dead Science Scribe) and it's limited resources (zero), out-scoops the New York Times, with its vast resources. In today's OP-ED section, they run a story about the silly new Lexus that parks itself--a story that PNL did last year (Park Me Elmo/ Dec. 1, 2006). I am sick and tired of reading my stories months later in the Times.
You might say, "Rick, in all fairness, more than one publication can do a story about self-parking cars." To that I respond, "Oh, shut up!"
PNL, as you know, is more reasonably priced than the Times, and home delivery is included. You won't find your PNLs all soggy at the bottom of your driveway! Delivered fresh almost daily, PNL gives you all the news that's fit to -- whatever -- without all that "reality" spin. But I digress. What was I talking about?
Oh yes. In the self-parking car article, the plagiarizer (whom I shall not name out of sheer magnanimity) says he employs the "bread-and-matzoh" method of parallel parking. If you can slide a bread slice between the bumpers of the fore and aft cars, that's one thing, he claims. But if you "break" the matzoh, you're good!
Gee, that's so funny I forgot to laugh. PNN had a much higher standard. In PNN parking, waxed dental floss is the true litmus test of determining whether you've squeezed into the smallest space possible. Last time I checked, dental floss is considerably thinner than even the thinnest matzoh. Moreover, that the floss needs to be waxed, tells you that the car- spacing was less than the diameter of the dental floss.
When waxed dental floss gets stuck between bumpers, only then can you call yourself a true parallel parker. I submit to you that the "dental standard" is the benchmark for a quality park job; not matzoh.
In pandering to the Jews of New York, I'm sure the matzo-metric was calculated to grab eyeballs and divert attention away from the fact that the story had already been covered by PNL. And though the "crunch" of the crumbling matzoh was, I'm sure, designed to add an aspect of auditory appeal, with no-one to hold the matzoh in place, it becomes a hypothetical mind game. The concept requires too many additional players and is, therefore, not "clean." The dental floss method requires only the driver.
Had the self-parking car been a Mazda and not a Lexus, the matzoh measure would have been more appropriate, if not more funny.
Enough. I have consulted my legal dept, and I assured me that the PNN piece pre-dates today's Times article by over 55 days. And where's the public outcry? While we haven't the resources to take on an organization as bloated as the Times, we are issuing the following warning:
"Stay off PNL's stories, or risk Rick canceling his home delivery."
It is getting truly embarrassing how often PNL, with its limited full-time staff (one --not counting its brain-dead Science Scribe) and it's limited resources (zero), out-scoops the New York Times, with its vast resources. In today's OP-ED section, they run a story about the silly new Lexus that parks itself--a story that PNL did last year (Park Me Elmo/ Dec. 1, 2006). I am sick and tired of reading my stories months later in the Times.
You might say, "Rick, in all fairness, more than one publication can do a story about self-parking cars." To that I respond, "Oh, shut up!"
PNL, as you know, is more reasonably priced than the Times, and home delivery is included. You won't find your PNLs all soggy at the bottom of your driveway! Delivered fresh almost daily, PNL gives you all the news that's fit to -- whatever -- without all that "reality" spin. But I digress. What was I talking about?
Oh yes. In the self-parking car article, the plagiarizer (whom I shall not name out of sheer magnanimity) says he employs the "bread-and-matzoh" method of parallel parking. If you can slide a bread slice between the bumpers of the fore and aft cars, that's one thing, he claims. But if you "break" the matzoh, you're good!
Gee, that's so funny I forgot to laugh. PNN had a much higher standard. In PNN parking, waxed dental floss is the true litmus test of determining whether you've squeezed into the smallest space possible. Last time I checked, dental floss is considerably thinner than even the thinnest matzoh. Moreover, that the floss needs to be waxed, tells you that the car- spacing was less than the diameter of the dental floss.
When waxed dental floss gets stuck between bumpers, only then can you call yourself a true parallel parker. I submit to you that the "dental standard" is the benchmark for a quality park job; not matzoh.
In pandering to the Jews of New York, I'm sure the matzo-metric was calculated to grab eyeballs and divert attention away from the fact that the story had already been covered by PNL. And though the "crunch" of the crumbling matzoh was, I'm sure, designed to add an aspect of auditory appeal, with no-one to hold the matzoh in place, it becomes a hypothetical mind game. The concept requires too many additional players and is, therefore, not "clean." The dental floss method requires only the driver.
Had the self-parking car been a Mazda and not a Lexus, the matzoh measure would have been more appropriate, if not more funny.
Enough. I have consulted my legal dept, and I assured me that the PNN piece pre-dates today's Times article by over 55 days. And where's the public outcry? While we haven't the resources to take on an organization as bloated as the Times, we are issuing the following warning:
"Stay off PNL's stories, or risk Rick canceling his home delivery."
posted by R. Reynolds at 8:52 AM
15 Comments:
I don't know about the others but I, for one, am going to complain to that offending newspaper the first chance I get. This is a David and Goliath story that needs to be addressed.
Might the author have Scotch-taped the matzoh to the bumper, thereby eliminating the need for a second "grassy knoll" accomplice?
You say the "Matzoh Method" was designed to appeal to the Jews, yet you yourself employed the "Dental Method." I submit to you that there are more dentists in NYC than Matzohs. Especially if you count orthodondists.
From a Jew who loves you.
Oh, I get it. This is a metaphor for the Palestine/Israeli struggle. I like the idea a need for surge to prove the NYT version.
Great one r, though the premise was a bit thin.
rick,
since you are such a world class parker, would you mind applying your skills by doing some parking tudoriing for my darling daughter?
she just flunked her driving test!
parallel parking was the tipping point that ruined her score.
we can't afford a lexus right now, so you're the next best thing.
we'd really like to use your PNN driving school expertise so she can pass the re-test!
i know you don't believe in god, but when i saw this piece on paralllel parking in todays times, i knew there was a higher power in charge here. i knew parallel parking would be on the minds of many today.
Get a bike. No parking problems, although I doubt that Rick could pass the "Figure Eight" section of the road test.
Limited staff?
Years back I received an official notice telling me that I was being summoned for jury duty. One of the categories that qualified for an exemption was:
"Sole proprietor of a business employing less than five persons."
I sent the summons back telling them that I was the sole proprietor of a business that employed less than one person.
I haven't heard back.
OK, Joe. THAT was funny!
PS: "USCE" and "Joe" know each other. They just don't know it.
Rick, you should also mention that not a single tree was slaughtered in writing today's blog.
or chipped.
You make poop today? People from my country make poop in garden for to make big melons. My sister she has the big melons. What does this scoop mean?
How can USCE not know that he knows me when my full name is at the top of every comment?
Me? I'm sure that I don't anyone named Ooooskeee.
I'd remember.
Anon, if we know each other on PNN or PNL, why would we need to know about any alternate reality?
Hey Rick...
You love those quaint, cozy homes.
Check out: McMansions. I Want One!
Just click my name. It's easier than going through 312 Google combinations of give and go.
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